Thursday, November 17, 2011

Giving Thanks

When I first laid down to take a nap this afternoon, my head hit the pillow and I thought about how I should write a blog entry when I woke up. The reason for the nap was because I was grouchy, depressed, and feeling sorry for myself. The reason for the blog would have been another woe is me rant about how everyone around me seems to be married with children or taking the steps to do so and here I am constantly wondering the status of my crazy love life. I'm glad I slept it off. When I woke up, the virtuous voice inside my head told me I need to be thankful for what I have, not envious of what I don't.

I like when that voice pops up — she's always right. I need to remind myself that dwelling on things that are out of my control is a waste of energy. Feeling sorry for myself is not attractive nor productive. The thing is to remain humble and thankful for all of the wonderful things and people in my life and proud of the many things I have accomplished. It is often hard to remind myself that may people would be envious of what I have. It's time to count my blessings.

Ironically this comes the week before Thanksgiving. My list of things to be thankful for:

1. The roof over my head. I may need to seal the windows in plastic to keep the heat in, or deodorize the cat smell in the basement, or unclog old pipes, but this house is a home. Not everyone can own a house and although it is far from the perfect dream house, it's all mine and mine alone.

2. My job. Yeah everyone complains about their job at some point. Sure I'd love to be making more money, but overall, I have a pretty damn good job. I have creative freedom and the ability to involve others who mean something to me. And come on, working from home is pretty amazing. I know people are jealous of that. I get to be with my dog all day, eat when I want to with whoever I want to, run errands at whatever time of the day, and most importantly, create when the mood hits me. For the most part I work on my schedule and that's a great feeling. I am certainly fortunate.


3. My dog. It's common knowledge that my dog is the love of my life. I am grateful that she is healthy and a loving companion. There are many nights I am certain I wouldn't have gotten through as easily without her to snuggle next to.

4. My friends. Sometimes they know me better than I know myself and their constant concern for my happiness and well-being shows me how much I am loved. We dance; we sing at the top of our lungs; we sometimes have too much to drink; we discover things together and appreciate beauty; we watch each other grow and learn and we are there for each other all the way. My friends are what keep me sane. I would be lost without them.

5. Jujitsu. I have always said jujitsu is the only thing that is constant in my life. I know it will always be there in one form or another. I have a hard time believing I have been at it for seven years. It has been an amazing journey and has taught me more life lessons in handling situations and living life than anything else.


6. My mother. Obviously I am thankful for my entire family for different reasons at different times, but having my mother to talk, depend on, and most importantly to be my friend, means the world. Some people no longer have their mother in their life and it saddens me. So I suppose I saved the most important for last. She is kind and giving and worries about her kids way too much. Her love for others is really something to be admired. I am fortunate to have her so close to me and such a big part of my life.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Week Off

Most people would kill for a week off. Me? Well, if I'm not being super productive I get depressed and antsy. There's an ongoing joke that when our quarterly publication is finally complete and I unchain myself from the computer I had just sat at for ridiculous hours a day during the proceeding months, I go through post-partum. It's true. The crazy busy times makes me...well crazy. But they are also welcomed with open arms. They give me purpose and without the hundred emails a day, I feel lost, lonely, and sad. I guess it's a reminder of how boring my life can be.

Not that there weren't high points to my week off. I braved the strangely unseasonal snow storm on Halloween weekend to attend a hell of a party in Philadelphia after watching the (lame without music) Millersville parade with my parents and our dogs from the comfort of my step father's van. It took my friend and I a very scary 2-1/2 hours to arrive at our destination that night and though I was on the fence about going, I had quite an experience and met a few new friends. It also made me realize that perhaps I'm not built for that kind of "do things you normally wouldn't and crash at 6:00 am" parties. But I suppose what happens in Philly, stays in Philly. I suppose.

Halloween/Trick-or-Treat night was equally as interesting. With a tray of jello shots made by a friend and me having spent all day creating a wand for my mother who dressed as Professor McMonagall, we were ready to hand out candy and shoot the shit. Only problem was that there was a freak gas leak in Millersville that caused a house to explode and rendered the entire town in the dark and without electric for a good part of the day, thus leaving the borough to cancel Trick-or-Treat night. Ugh. Imagine the disappointment from my mother, "the queen of Halloween".

We made the best of it by having a fire on the front porch, which later was determined as not such a smart idea while there was a gas leak. Ah well. The only thing hurt was my cleavage when a hot ember jumped from the fire straight down my shirt.

The week progressed with a much needed chat and lovely night out with someone who remains near and dear to my heart, though perhaps from an outsiders point of view, he shouldn't. Both of my catering shifts were cancelled this week which left me with more time then I accounted for and led me to do nothing more than watch the entire first season of Raising Hope. However, having a purpose reared it's head on thursday when I helped my sister move into her new apartment and attended and taught jujitsu (God I miss not having class tuesdays). Friday was tons of fun helping a friend for First Friday at a boutique she works at, and saturday evening was catchup time with an old friend and crazy dive bar fun with another friend.

Overall my week off had it's ups and downs. I know it's important to take this time. It's what helps to make me productive when I have to be and to restart my creative mind. It forces me to be alone with my thoughts and learn to entertain myself. Looking back, I am grateful to the friends who entertained me as well. Without them I would surely have no purpose.

For this week, I am anxiously anticipating the release party for issue 20. I can't believe it's been 5 years!