Friday, January 11, 2013

It's a New Dawn, It's a New Day, It's a New Life

The end of 2012 also brought the end of the saga that was my relationship with my boyfriend. After spending the past three and a half years of my life trying to make him be someone who he's not and would never be, I am certain this is the complete and total demise of us as a couple. Although we ended abruptly and with a whirlwind of hurt, looking back on it I realize now that it had been a long time coming.

Coincidentally, my dear friend finished up her final piece on online dating and in reading the feature which has easily become one of my favorite works from her, it made me reflect on my own relationships. In her article she talks about everyone stemming from their past and how it ultimately tangles with their future and in turn the future of the person they are with. This was abundantly obvious in my relationship with my ex. There were hurdles that he clung onto and never quite got over or dealt with. The ironic thing about it is that he expected me to get over his past, trust in his actions, and accept him for who he is, yet he never did any of those things for himself. He couldn't own up to himself so how could he expect that from someone else?

Moving on with a clear head for me means loving and respecting myself more. My New Year's resolution was to have more confidence in myself. I tend to put confidence and encouragement into other people yet I let myself get stepped on often for the sake of not hurting others. A recent tag on a Yogi tea bag summed it up well. "May you have faith in your worth and act with wisdom." It is now taped to my computer as a daily reminder of my pending confidence. I now make promises to myself. As my friend states in her article, "the one person I need to fall in love with is myself." And I do. Perhaps after wrapping myself up in my relationship, intertwining his problems with mine, and lessening my worth, I forgot about loving myself. It's not that I don't or didn't, but it got swept under the rug in order to help someone who in the end rejected me. I didn't act with wisdom.

In turning a new leaf, I'm hopeful that this year will bring plenty of soul searching, adventures with a cute boy, long soft kisses, laughter with friends, hard work and beautiful designs, and happiness. I'm happy and I'm free. I am the only me there is and whether or not love is in the cards, I promise to love myself.

http://youtu.be/OfJRX-8SXOs