It's been a while. Things have been, um, confusing? Interesting? It's hard to search for the right word. Not really that great is a good way to sum it up I guess. I'm always feeling torn between who I am. There are pieces of me that are keeping on and doing a darn good job of it. Your career and household doesn't stop just because your love life is complete crap. So every day has been a bit of struggle to remember who I am, what I do that makes me me, and how to move on with life. It's hard to value yourself when your heart is crushed. I keep beating my head against a wall wondering what I've could have done better but in the end it comes down to nothing. No matter how perfect I try to make myself, I can't make others love me. It's a hard pill to swallow.
On the other hand I have a friend who is absolutely wonderful to me and so ready to be there for everything I do. He's in it to win it. But I just can't. It's disgusting. I can't get over someone who was terrible to me and just be with someone who would absolutely would fulfill what I need emotionally. I guess time heals all right?
So time to move on with my day and turn on the work mode for a staff meeting and then friend mode to be there for someone else who also struggles in life. I want to value myself and the world again. Maybe I'll start tomorrow.
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