Why do I make the mistakes I do? Could it be that I constantly need attention? Am I an attention whore? I don't know. I think it's because I'm constantly looking for confirmation that I am loved and wanted. It's like I sabotage my life in order to make it exciting and then freak out when I'm faced with a new situation. I do it to stir the pot. Once everything is in order I need to make chaos in order to start over and make order again. I fuck up time and time again so that I have something to fix.
Wallowing in self pity has never been my style. I know I only have myself to blame for the decisions I make. And maybe I'm too hard on myself. Hell, no one else seems to care when they make mistakes. They suck it up, accept it, and move on. There is something to be said for that. Instead of beating myself up for it I should just shrug my shoulders, say yeah I messed up, and own it. Which I do certainly own it but perhaps too much. Maybe I need to realize that I'm not perfect and just be ok with it.
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